I've found Hell on Earth!

"cooterbaldwin" (cooterbaldwin) 01/03/2016 at 21:27 • Filed to: None

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You might be surprised to find that Hell on Earth is located in Kansas City Missouri... well actually it’s Randolph Missouri. I shall describe it for those of you lucky enough to have managed to stay clear of it thus far.

Imagine your typical township surrounded by a larger city. Now picture that township wedged into a piece of land bounded on the south by the Missouri River, to the west an Interstate, to the north a section of Kansas City dominated by over the road truck repair centers, and to the east a shitty section of highway that takes you to a bunch of towns that contain nothing but meth addicts and fireworks stands.

There is no industry in Randolph. No businesses. It’s just a bunch of houses that were pieces of shit 70 years ago when they were built and have gone down hill since. I think there has to be a city ordinance that requires one major appliance in your yard for every bedroom in your house.

The only reason anyone notices Randolph is the road that runs through the middle of town. You have to drive through Randolph to get to a shit load of industrial businesses and a casino + movie theater + restaurant complex just east of the city limits.

Now since there are no businesses and the total value of all property is probably somewhere around $75k, Randolph needs a source of income to operate. So.... the speed limit through town, even the portion that is fairly limited access, is twenty god damned miles an hour. Drive a sensible 25 through town and you risk the Randolph swat team coming after you.

Because there is so little multilane road in Randolph it is difficult for the police to pull speeders over inside city limits. They will routinely pull people over at the top of the ramp leading onto South-Bound I-435. That ramp is already one of the most dangerous in the KC area. It’s ridiculously short and dumps into a section of interstate that has just been necked down from three lanes to two. Anyone with half a brain realizes the danger posed by someone driving through Randolph at 25 or 30 is completely offset by the danger of making a traffic stop at the top of the ramp. Yet the city and police don’t care and keep right on with the practice.

I hope before I die I learn the secret of how this little pool of shitheels with questionable genealogy manage to keep thumbing their nose at Kansas City, the county and Missouri HP (who can’t like the traffic stops on their interstate).

I’ll hop down off my soapbox now. Just remember if you ever have to drive through Randolph give them the finger and don’t speed.

https://www.google.com/maps/place/Ran…

jkm7680 > cooterbaldwin 01/03/2016 at 21:42

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I found the cop.

In other words, it doesn’t seem that horrible. The population is 52 after all...

smobgirl > cooterbaldwin 01/03/2016 at 21:50

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Definitely sympathize with your irritation, but chill a little on the classism please. Hate to hear what you'd think of my lovely little neighborhood.

DancesWithRotors - Driving Insightfully > cooterbaldwin 01/03/2016 at 21:54

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As a fellow KC Oppo, thank you! Randolph just needs to get sucked into KCMO and join civilization with a decent, reasonable speed limit.

I’ve successfully avoided the Randolph PD, so far, but... I’ve heard stories.

cooterbaldwin > smobgirl 01/03/2016 at 22:12

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I don’t mean to come across as classist... I myself live in a suburb of KC that is the brunt of jokes. I have family that I dearly love that live down a road that involves a drive across a dry creek bed. Randolph just brings the ass out in me I guess!

Grindintosecond > cooterbaldwin 01/03/2016 at 22:18

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MO law states caps on police income generation through ticketing. So theres a % maximum in place. I dont know how to doscover wether or not Randolph os sticking to that or not but it should be public somehow.

PotbellyJoe and 42 others > cooterbaldwin 01/03/2016 at 22:24

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Waldo, FL was Hell, but i see Randolph is making their claim to the title now that Waldo has disbanded their police department.

smobgirl > cooterbaldwin 01/03/2016 at 22:42

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Fair enough! My 110-year old crappy house has been rebelling against having running water lately so perhaps I'm a little touchy myself.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > cooterbaldwin 01/03/2016 at 22:50

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tl;dr mad about getting pulled over

Brickman > cooterbaldwin 01/03/2016 at 22:56

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Cherry_man1 > cooterbaldwin 01/03/2016 at 23:19

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Good to know I’m down in Olathe and the motorcycle cops here are ass holes.

Berang > cooterbaldwin 01/04/2016 at 01:23

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Well it is Missouri.

I was born and raised there, but every time I go back it everything just seems more depressing and more dilapitated.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > cooterbaldwin 01/04/2016 at 01:56

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Sounds pretty bad. There are a lot of cities/towns with weird low speed limits that derive most of their income from tickets; at least it sounds like you can generally bypass this one...

cooterbaldwin > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/04/2016 at 02:49

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nope, never been pulled over by Randolph PD.

FucenSpaz > cooterbaldwin 01/04/2016 at 05:45

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Don’t speed in front of a Cop. Means you want to get caught.

Yes I know Your a special Snowflake. You listed your reasons why the cops shouldn’t ticket a Special Snowflake Speeder.

You thought you could do what you wanted on a public Road. You can’t, Laws are not optional. Even for Special Snowflakes.

boxrocket > cooterbaldwin 01/04/2016 at 06:54

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Sounds like Randolph is to KC is what a large part Jefferson County (aka "Meth-erson County" aka "JeffCo") is to Saint Louis, but diluted to a town size.

haveacarortwoorthree2 > cooterbaldwin 01/04/2016 at 09:55

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Taking 35 through KC is no picnic either. I’ve never diverted on 435 though, but occasionally have gone the other way through Topeka.

DancesWithRotors - Driving Insightfully > Cherry_man1 01/05/2016 at 17:23

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Yeah, Johnson County cops seem to be mad power-trippers for some reason.

Leavenworth is a little better, as is Wyandotte, and Clay/Jackson on the MO side aren’t too bad. Platte County will write you in a heartbeat, though.